Attitude of Gratitude

Introspection in A'dam

I moved to Boston about a month ago now, but last week I returned back to A’dam for work. I met up with another repatriated expat friend of mine who used to live in China and he asked if I had any RCS stories yet. That same friend had been over in A’dam about a month before I moved back to the USA and warmed me that I should be prepared for this, drum roll please – the dreaded “Reverse Culture Shock” or RCS.

We had been to dinner when he was over before I moved and he listened to me basically talk stream of consciousness for about three hours about my concern about leaving the Netherlands– how I loved the people I’d met, the culture, riding my bike everywhere, the green, simple life I had there and I how I was questioning my decision to leave.

He responded by telling me that no matter what you expect about moving back home, he was surprised by the reverse culture shock he felt since moving back to the USA and how in two years he still hasn’t fully re-acclimated into the society. It sounds somewhat obvious, but he explained that when you move abroad you are very open minded about everything because you expect that everything is going to be completely different with a different language, cultural differences, etc. So the reverse comes as a shock when you move back after being away – you know what to expect here and suddenly those things that should make you feel welcomed back home quickly get on your nerves and you miss all those things from your expat life. But you always think – that won’t happen to me…

So when I saw him and he asked if I had any RCS stories since living in Boston, I quickly responded that it had been too short a time, only a few weeks, when in that exact moment I thought of my first one:

In the three years I spent in the Netherlands I have spent countless hours complaining about the lack of service, quickly followed with a diatribe of how in the fabulous USA everyone is so service oriented and how pleasant it was to experience instead of being met with the scowling faces of the Dutch waitresses from the moment you walk into a restaurant.

I can barely believe that I am saying what I’m about to write. And I would have never thought that I would feel any different about something like the Dutch service. After all, clearly any sane person would like to meet a smiling face at the post office, ready to help you send your package the most economic way when you say you would like to send it the cheapest route. In Amsterdam you are very likely get a response like, “No way of sending packages are cheap.” And yet, here I am, saying that I very well could prefer that.

I must explain myself.

I was flying international on an American airline a few weeks ago and was having problems with my in-seat entertainment system, as was my seatmate. He pressed the call button indicating that we needed assistance and the long wait began. The flight attendant proceeded to walk back and forth past out seats several times. I swear she looked at the call light each time she passed and then looked away quickly so she wouldn’t have to stop and ask us what we needed. This went on for between 10 – 15 minutes until she finally stopped by to if we had an issue (with an, “Oh, were you trying to get my attention???” DUH!)

I realized in that moment that, yes, it is true that the USA is a very service focused society, but for the first time I saw the insincerity of it. Yes, she was helping, but not because she had any interest in actually helping us, but more because she HAD to. In the Netherlands, they would just outright ignore you or straight out tell you they couldn’t help you, instead of pretending they didn’t see you.

And for the first time I feel like I actually prefer the Dutch way.

While in A’dam last week I had made reservations for 12 at a restaurant for dinner. I called back a few minutes later to change the reservation to 16. The woman on the line immediately screamed back with, “It’s impossible!!” It was then that I sighed with relief. I knew exactly what I was getting. There was no question about intention or sincerity. I was grateful to be back home in A’dam...